Where am I?

These days I'm never sure if I'm here or there. My goodness. My kids are busy as ever, my wife is always busy and I'm always busy but mundanely bored. I'm at work or home or on the freeway in between. I can't find anything to sink my teeth into lately. Church is good and I do my best to keep involved and "Ardent". But I don't know if it is enough. Do you ever just look at the dark ceiling in the bed and say "where am I?" I do. I don't know why. I can't think of an alternative that sounds any better. I'm sure that there isn't one. Sure a $1M would change that perspective, but even then I'm unsure I wouldn't just beg to get back to where I'm at now. I wonder if looking at other people and seeing what they are up to is healthy. I try not to compare my life to others' because they are just about the same as me. I've decided that I've go it good, but that doesn't mean that every moment is "bliss". But shouldn't it be less boring. I think life is good enough. I used to say all the time "I can't wait until... (enter an event)." But now there is nothing down the pipe for me to wish my life away for. Young middle age to late middle age is weird. I think we all just watch the clock at work and hope for some fun once in a while. I'm thinking that everyone has bored times. I also think that everyone has once, seriously or otherwise, considered suicide. I think that people who say they haven't at least let that thought cross their mind for a brief second, even quickly discarded, is a liar. I think begin bored is the same way. My in-laws said they haven't been bored for years. Yeah, what about that 2 hours you spend in the car a day. That's freakin' boring. Admit it, its boredom. I'm not talking misery, I just mean that I'm looking at the ceiling at night thinking what am I benefiting myself or anyone else by existing. I know the kids look up to me and the wife tolerates me, so I'm OK, but past that I'm unclear. I don't wonder about this stuff every night, but some nights. That's all. Analyze your life and let me know if you happen to stumble on this blog. I don't want answers just comfort in numbers. The answers don't exist anyway...