Why Not ME????

Feeling sorry for myself today, Can you tell?
5) Why couldn't I be taller. I wish that I was because then I'd be the same weight and be considered "normal"
4) Why can't I be way smarter so that I could not make so many dumb mistakes. The other day I took a wrong turn and ended up driving around a neighborhood for about 15 minutes. The time consisted of 3 "U" turns, two times back out on the original road and twice I had to stop at a turn and randomly pick which way to go...
3) Why can't I have a better JOB? Mine is good, I get paid well, but I think there are about 10 billion that are better. I've only met like two dudes in the past year whose job I don’t envy.
2) Why do I have so much time in my stupid car... I can say in one word what I wish for two times every day: Teleportation
1) Why don't I WORRY less? I think that I worry too much, Here's my mind as I fall asleep: Did I close the garage, did I brush my teeth long enough? Floss? What are my kids doing? Do they watch too much TV? Are my kids too busy? Did I permanently damage Skylar by yelling at him today? Is the pool dirty? Why did Stacy roll over just now, is she mad at me? I wonder if that bill is due yet? What did I do with my cell phone? Is Vance home yet? I wonder who he hangs out with at HS? Why doesn't he want to hang out with us as much anymore? Is Stacy happy or just too busy to know the difference? What if my tires are flat in the morning? Why is the AC on, that’s expensive? What am I doing tomorrow? Why can’t I remember things as easy anymore? What are the kids doing tomorrow? And it goes on and on....

5 stupid things I've heard lately

In reverse order
5) "My son should play "that" position on your football team coach! He's been training for it all summer". What I wish I could say: Whatever yo! he's 9 and doesn't know is left from his right, and what's he been training for? This aint the NFL, let the kid be a kid and "Play" football. What I really say: "Well, we'll see what we can do"
4) "Dad can I have a cell phone" What I wish I could say: Kid can you read yet? worry about chores and home work then when you grow some I'll let you know... What I really say: see above (I got my wish:)
3) "I killed JonBenet"... What I wish I could say: Really? Were you on a grassy knoll with a government agent too, surrounded by aliens? What I really would say: "Finally we can get this stupid news story over"
2) "We are the best team you'll play this whole year" What I wish I could say: Wow! You are that great? How do you know? What is the point of telling me this? You can't even name all of your players yet and you are "the best"? whatever bro...right back at ya slick~! What I really say: "Wow! You guys must be really good, I hope we can just play well against you"
1) "I already told you that". What I wish I could say: Would I freakin' be asking if I had this answer? Why don't you be polite and just call me stupid like I want to call you! Tell me again then you fat liar. I'll let you get away with that once, but next time you better produce an email or a written message where you told me because a past conversation is only "hear say". What I really say: "will you please tell me again, I must of forgot".
Peace! Stupid people are stupid

Thoughts for today

Here are some random observations that are useless except to me. I think that I'm feeling a lot better about other people lately. Generally I've had mostly good experiences with human kind of late. I can't think when that last time someone tried to "get" me. I wonder if I'm just not paying attention. I also have found that more people seem to be like me lately. Basic "work-a-day" folks that only want to get home and veg in front of TV or a book or something, waiting for that vacation or whatever. The trick is to find a something each day that you can look forward to, then appreciate it and blog about it. Here's mine. Also a tip that will help you now... I had a good weekend because it was my 15th wedding anniversary and my wife didn't get me anything. I can ride that guilt for about a year. I got her two things. :) I am a genius. Do you want to know the secret to a happy marriage? I know of two. I'm sure there are more... Here they are. Even though I shouldn't document them because my wife is probably the only one that reads this blog and now she'll know that I have secrets, but despite that chance... #1 Memorize this phrase and use it: "I'm Sorry, I know I'm an Idiot and I'll try to do better" and #2 Pick something that is "traditionally" not your job and do it always (back off femi-nazi). Make it your job. I mean own it, don't ever let her do it. Mine's Sunday dinner. Sunday dinner in our culture is usually the wife's thing, but in our house it's mine. Has been for a long time now. If she wants to help fine, but I still made the meal. It sure is a lot harder to whine about a meal, especially a big meal like that, when you make it. They've been exceptional lately. Once in a while I have had to humble up a bit and ask her advice . But this is a bonus too. Why? Because she now thinks that she is helping me and so she feels important but doesn't feel that she is being "tasked". These are my only two secrets for married dudes. I'll think of more and try them out on my unsuspecting wife and let you know how it goes. You fictional reader...
Later!