Oh yes I am!

Well, here goes. You know its true too. I am funny. No one cares, but I am... I make people laugh all of the time. I know you just said "AT YOU", but you're wrong. "WITH ME". you see I'm not one of these useless wastes of space that takes themselves so seriously. I think that one can not laugh at others until they laugh at themselves. And trust me I do enjoy laughing at others. I know you don't get it. You think "I don't take my self seriously" but today you'll get insanly mad at someone else because of their driving, or they were rude to you in line at the store, or because they looked at you wrong. Trust me, you didn't even enter their mind. They just were thinking about someother person. You are just another schmoe like them. You ain't all that important. However, you should be happy about that. Some folks are very self centered and either think everything is offensive or they think that everything that happens is just to spite them. My wife says I'm paranoid and that I think everyone is out to get me... she's wrong. I let her tease me about it because I think its funny, but it isn't true. Most people aren't out to get anyone because they don't have the time or the energy. Its very tiring being so self involved. It matters very little to most of us what our fellow man is doing 99% of the time. Unless they are your very close friend or your wife or kid, why would you worry about anyone else. BUT, we all think that others are looking at us wrong or thinking bad thoughts about us or that everyone is out to get us. Trust me, don't take yourself so serious, no one is concerned about you, but you. Here's the other thing, don't be intimidated by strangers. Why? Because everyone is pretty much the same. Scared that others won't like them, scared that others are thinking bad stuff about them and worried about what they are supposed to do next to "fit in". Give up! Don't try to fit in, try not to fit in. you aren't so cool anyway, or you are and it will just be natural for you to "fit in". 'A weak minded person changes his likes dislikes and views of things every 7 years' . Why because if they didn't they couldn't conform to society. Want to fit in, just keep changing what you like and believe every so often. Soon you'll be on the popular thing. No worries. But of course tell everyone you thought of it all by yourself. I like popular music, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about real things like religion, politics or how you like certain types of people and dislike others. People are not groups, people are people individuals. You can like one guy and dislike the next, and you should but don't change because its the "popular" thing. Don't change your mind on other stuff, unless you really really feel something differently. Be strong and don't cave in like most folks do. I mean, what if everyone changed their mind every 7 or eight years or so...wait everyone does. Why do you think we have a different political party in charge in our government every other election. Anyway... here's the five bullet point summary 1) everyone is the same scared and worried. 2) Don't take yourself so seriously, it smells in the bathroom when everyone leaves 3) stick to your guns, change when change is needed not just to change 4) Don't let others worry you, they are the same as you, worried and 5) Be who you like. Dont' be who you think others will like.
Later, "Like I hope that everyone likes my blog"

Me and my Hornets! 

Stupid is as Stupid Does

You are only stupid when you prove it. You know most people are pretty intelligent. Most I said. However that has nothing to do with them being stupid or not. Forget what your IQ is or how smart your mother said you were, if you do stupid stuff then you are stupid. Everyone can plead "temporary stupidity". It never ceases to amaze me how stupid I am and how stupid others are. Like the people who get drunk all weekend and hate there Mondays. Or people who claim to work so many hours and work so hard and never accomplish anything. I wonder who they are trying to impress. I think that "accomplishments" not time put in are what are remembered. I hope that people don't remember me as a guy who put in the time, but rather as a guy who got things done. Off the subject sorry.

Remember while there is no stupid questions, there are plenty of stupid people.

Miss Conceptions

I think a lot of people like to believe things that are false. It's easier then knowing and accepting the truth. I know that it do. I'd prefer to think that Warren Jeffs is evil, but I don't know it... I think that you and everyone you know believes, in fact knows, at least one thing that is so totally false they'd be embarrassed. I have a friend who at his church his whole life was taught that Mormonism is a cult and should be avoided like the plague. But then he moved a highly populated Mormon area and found out that they were pretty good folks... He was amazed. Also a bit miffed that he'd been lied to. Also I met a guy who thought that all Mormons had multiple wives. Guess what he believed something that was way wrong. Anyway you get the idea. Here's 5 things that I think most people believe that are wrong.
1) All Christian religions are the same. Way off. Most don't know what the other believe but if they did they'd be shocked. Did you know that some Christian churches preach that there was a pre-mortal existence and others don't? What about the trinity, most differ there as well. It seems to me that these are pretty fundamental ideas and peoples can't agree.
2) Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction... What do you think Saddam was?
3) George W. Bush is stupid. Where'd you go to college? I bet it wasn't Yale or Harvard.
4) All wars today are about Money. NOPE! Only the ones we are in are. Most are about religion.
5) Blogging matters. NOPE not unless you are already famous then most of the time even you don't matter either.

Your turn can you think of any... add them in a comment below.

Why Not ME????

Feeling sorry for myself today, Can you tell?
5) Why couldn't I be taller. I wish that I was because then I'd be the same weight and be considered "normal"
4) Why can't I be way smarter so that I could not make so many dumb mistakes. The other day I took a wrong turn and ended up driving around a neighborhood for about 15 minutes. The time consisted of 3 "U" turns, two times back out on the original road and twice I had to stop at a turn and randomly pick which way to go...
3) Why can't I have a better JOB? Mine is good, I get paid well, but I think there are about 10 billion that are better. I've only met like two dudes in the past year whose job I don’t envy.
2) Why do I have so much time in my stupid car... I can say in one word what I wish for two times every day: Teleportation
1) Why don't I WORRY less? I think that I worry too much, Here's my mind as I fall asleep: Did I close the garage, did I brush my teeth long enough? Floss? What are my kids doing? Do they watch too much TV? Are my kids too busy? Did I permanently damage Skylar by yelling at him today? Is the pool dirty? Why did Stacy roll over just now, is she mad at me? I wonder if that bill is due yet? What did I do with my cell phone? Is Vance home yet? I wonder who he hangs out with at HS? Why doesn't he want to hang out with us as much anymore? Is Stacy happy or just too busy to know the difference? What if my tires are flat in the morning? Why is the AC on, that’s expensive? What am I doing tomorrow? Why can’t I remember things as easy anymore? What are the kids doing tomorrow? And it goes on and on....

5 stupid things I've heard lately

In reverse order
5) "My son should play "that" position on your football team coach! He's been training for it all summer". What I wish I could say: Whatever yo! he's 9 and doesn't know is left from his right, and what's he been training for? This aint the NFL, let the kid be a kid and "Play" football. What I really say: "Well, we'll see what we can do"
4) "Dad can I have a cell phone" What I wish I could say: Kid can you read yet? worry about chores and home work then when you grow some I'll let you know... What I really say: see above (I got my wish:)
3) "I killed JonBenet"... What I wish I could say: Really? Were you on a grassy knoll with a government agent too, surrounded by aliens? What I really would say: "Finally we can get this stupid news story over"
2) "We are the best team you'll play this whole year" What I wish I could say: Wow! You are that great? How do you know? What is the point of telling me this? You can't even name all of your players yet and you are "the best"? whatever bro...right back at ya slick~! What I really say: "Wow! You guys must be really good, I hope we can just play well against you"
1) "I already told you that". What I wish I could say: Would I freakin' be asking if I had this answer? Why don't you be polite and just call me stupid like I want to call you! Tell me again then you fat liar. I'll let you get away with that once, but next time you better produce an email or a written message where you told me because a past conversation is only "hear say". What I really say: "will you please tell me again, I must of forgot".
Peace! Stupid people are stupid

Thoughts for today

Here are some random observations that are useless except to me. I think that I'm feeling a lot better about other people lately. Generally I've had mostly good experiences with human kind of late. I can't think when that last time someone tried to "get" me. I wonder if I'm just not paying attention. I also have found that more people seem to be like me lately. Basic "work-a-day" folks that only want to get home and veg in front of TV or a book or something, waiting for that vacation or whatever. The trick is to find a something each day that you can look forward to, then appreciate it and blog about it. Here's mine. Also a tip that will help you now... I had a good weekend because it was my 15th wedding anniversary and my wife didn't get me anything. I can ride that guilt for about a year. I got her two things. :) I am a genius. Do you want to know the secret to a happy marriage? I know of two. I'm sure there are more... Here they are. Even though I shouldn't document them because my wife is probably the only one that reads this blog and now she'll know that I have secrets, but despite that chance... #1 Memorize this phrase and use it: "I'm Sorry, I know I'm an Idiot and I'll try to do better" and #2 Pick something that is "traditionally" not your job and do it always (back off femi-nazi). Make it your job. I mean own it, don't ever let her do it. Mine's Sunday dinner. Sunday dinner in our culture is usually the wife's thing, but in our house it's mine. Has been for a long time now. If she wants to help fine, but I still made the meal. It sure is a lot harder to whine about a meal, especially a big meal like that, when you make it. They've been exceptional lately. Once in a while I have had to humble up a bit and ask her advice . But this is a bonus too. Why? Because she now thinks that she is helping me and so she feels important but doesn't feel that she is being "tasked". These are my only two secrets for married dudes. I'll think of more and try them out on my unsuspecting wife and let you know how it goes. You fictional reader...
Later!

Fact or Fiction

You Decide
1) If you lend money to someone and then they pay you back who says thank you? I think you shoud. It is way easier to lend money then it is to get it back. Fact or fiction?
2) When I ask my wife out on a date, she should say yes, then discuss schedules and the kids not the other way around. Fact or fiction?
3) When you go to church and no one says hello to you it is your fault for not saying hello to anyone. Fact or fiction?
4) If your coworker takes a day off of work you resent them. If you play golf and its crowded you resent everyone out there in your way. When you go to a new hot store you hate everyone else there that makes the new store busy. People only become annoyed or frustrated with others when they see things that they them selves do, whant to do or have done. Fact or fiction?
5) Familys are more fun in the long run, but in the short run they are way less fun then friends. Fact or fiction?
Post back if you want to argue!

Dumber then ever

Brilliant thoughts for today
1) I took 3 days off and played golf seemingly a smart thing. The average tempeture for the three days in the phx area was 115 degrees. Nice job on the vaca choice
2) Work is so dumb. I work well with others but they don't work well with me.
3) Working in IT these days is like walking up a down escalator. You work really hard but you don't get anywhere. Your effort is great, and rewards are few. Once in a while there is a dude at the top that shoves you and replaces you with two overseas people that cost less. But those two dudes are doing the same thing, running up a down escalator.
4) If Brazil and Argentina start fighting will the US jump in? Or is it only if they have nukes or OIL. Goodness let's just stay out of every freakin' country in the world. Why do we care so much? Why don't I care so much? I think we should protect our interests and out citizens, but why do we have to protect everyone else? Pretty soon every country will be at war with us.
5) Just wondering: is talk radio crack for your mind? I don't think it plays a part in common peoples lives. do you ever wonder what people who call these stations do for a living? At least on Jim Rome's jungle program he calls his callers "Jobless". If I was a talk show host I wouldn't take calls. I would say " You guys are all wrong anyway, so you will LISTEN TO ME". You can't do that I guess so that's why I blog!
Peace out!

Golf

Well it's been a while but here goes. I'm a little relaxed today. You see I've played 36 holes of golf in the last 36 hours. Yes It's very cool. I took some vacation off of work because I wanted to so I played golf. It is also the British open this weekend, so in keeping with my theme so far here are the top five facts about golf and why it is a very strange game when normal people play.
1) Anyone can play and wear things that they would never wear any where else. Right Bill?
2) It's 112 outside in Phoenix and we play anyway. Golf makes me dumb like that. Normal people play, in 112 degrees, haven't played in 9 months and miss a 30 foot putt we get all mad like we were expecting play better and think we are the best players on earth.
3) There are three types of golf courses. They can easily be seperated into groups 1st group: professional-Golf carts only, must have a dress codes, small things like tees and course books are free. Tips are also part of the deal. 2nd group: semi-pro - Think they are pros but aren't get mad at you if you forget the dress code, think they are better then you because their job is to work at this golf course. 3rd group Amatures-Usually city course. Reasonably priced, course is messed up, any one can play. Shirts are barely required.
4) Golf is the only game that makes people who don't swear, swear. You can hear it every time you play.
5) Golf is also the only game that lots of people play but hate everyone else that plays too. I call this the Tiger Woods effect. Since el Tigre started playing every dude in the US thinks that he should play too. I think people should be banned from golf courses unless you pass the etiquite test, are 30 years old and can name 5 golfers that won majors before Tiger was born. Of course then I'd play alone. I can dream Right?
See ya!

5 FACTS FOR TODAY

Well here's my next five facts. I know I'm a theme person! Let's go~!

1) My swiming pool attacts people under the age of 10. Not hot girls like on beer comercials
2) If it's 110 outside in Arizona why is the pool still cold... And when I get out of the pool I'm cold. Stupid. It's refreshing though.
3) Working from home by a pool is not as hard as everyone makes it out to be. Going swiming is way more work then it was as a kid. I don't like wet underwear.
4) What do you mean salt pools hurt your eyes! Get over it you whimp, or swim at your own pool!
5) Neighbors who bring their kids over to swim, wear a swimming suit but don't swim deserve to be pushed in. Watch out J!

AZ Ben J

Well its been a year. I still don't get the addiction of blogging. I tried it. I tried to be trendy and cool and have a blog that no one reads like everyone else, but it just wasn't that fun. I don't know, maybe its just I have nothing profound to say. I have thought of some cool ideas. One is that I can kind of make this a journal You know like "Dear Diary" and tell no one all of my darkest and scariest secrets. But that wouldn't really work because I don't have that many secrets that are "secret" anyway. My other idea is to do my "top ten" Ben Johnson Opinions each week. But I'm not smart enough for top 10, so I'm only doing five! I like this idea better. So here goes...
1) Mark Cuban is the dumbest genius ever. He may seem all dark and bruding but really he's just a nerd in a cool jocks world trying to buy love from the cool kids he never got back in high school... I promise some of those players would love to give him a swirly.
2) Scoop Jackson is the best NBA writer on the planet. He's great and always interesting. His writing does come accross to me as racist everytime I read it. I can't believe that he is a racist but that he just feels like everyone (white) is so he should be to... I never miss an article.
3) ESPN is only about money. They don't care about anything else just like everyother network. My gosh listen to ESPN radio for five minutes and you'll find out. You'll get five comercials without one comercial break. "The mike and mike just shutup award sponsored by McDonalds, and on the "ONSTAR" Hotline is Joe Blow presented by AT&T .... and so it goes. It's sickning, but yet I listen...hmmm
4) College Basketball is the best spectator sport. NBA doesn't matter until June and the last five minutes of each game, NFL doesn't matter until 2nd half of the season, College football doesn't include everyone, because there is not mid-major ever making the championship (Ask Utah). But College basketball rules becuase everyone is included and every basket counts
5) Local Sports radio is way better then national sports Radio. We are spoiled here in PHX because we have a good station, but others may not. It's way better to hear about your local teams and players rather then listen to the top two or three teams / programs every day on a national level.