5 stupid things I've heard lately

In reverse order
5) "My son should play "that" position on your football team coach! He's been training for it all summer". What I wish I could say: Whatever yo! he's 9 and doesn't know is left from his right, and what's he been training for? This aint the NFL, let the kid be a kid and "Play" football. What I really say: "Well, we'll see what we can do"
4) "Dad can I have a cell phone" What I wish I could say: Kid can you read yet? worry about chores and home work then when you grow some I'll let you know... What I really say: see above (I got my wish:)
3) "I killed JonBenet"... What I wish I could say: Really? Were you on a grassy knoll with a government agent too, surrounded by aliens? What I really would say: "Finally we can get this stupid news story over"
2) "We are the best team you'll play this whole year" What I wish I could say: Wow! You are that great? How do you know? What is the point of telling me this? You can't even name all of your players yet and you are "the best"? whatever bro...right back at ya slick~! What I really say: "Wow! You guys must be really good, I hope we can just play well against you"
1) "I already told you that". What I wish I could say: Would I freakin' be asking if I had this answer? Why don't you be polite and just call me stupid like I want to call you! Tell me again then you fat liar. I'll let you get away with that once, but next time you better produce an email or a written message where you told me because a past conversation is only "hear say". What I really say: "will you please tell me again, I must of forgot".
Peace! Stupid people are stupid